Taoism: Shit happens.

Confucianism: Confucius says, "Shit
happens".

Buddhism: If shit happens, it really isn't
shit.

Hinduism: This shit has happened
before.

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of
Allah.

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve
it.

Protestantism: If shit happens, it happens to
somebody else.

Jehovah's Witnesses: Shit doesn't happen until
Armageddon.

Christian Science: When shit doesn't happen,
don't call a doctor - pray.

Judaism: Why does shit always happen to
us?

Reform Judaism: Got any Kaopectate?

Atheism: There is no such thing as
shit.

Pantheism: Shit comes from
everywhere.

Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.

Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit
is.

Astrology: Shit comes from the
stars.

Naturopathy: Shit happens
naturally.

Homeopathy: A little shit goes a long
way.

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this
shit.